I am hungry. Starved even. It has been almost a year since the last great pop sensation broke. In between we have been delighted by Katy Perry and of course LMFAO but it was of course Rebecca Black that produced the music of substance and sustenance of last year.
Gaga was excellent but it has been what, a couple months since she last gave a us a new song? She used to come out with a song a month. Plus she is getting played. Don’t get me wrong, she is still good, but there is no mystery there. She is like chicken parm. That is one of my favorites foods but I know what I am getting. Rihanna falls into the same camp.
We need something new to gnaw on. A perusable of the Billboard top 100 offers no comfort. Adele? Kelly Clarkson. Even a song called “Good Feeling” is depressing. The Adele plus NickiM combo is better than Mike Tyson’s one two punch. It just floors quality music and the world is worse for it.
I was hoping something really old could bring it. Like a nice retro moment reformed. A phoenix rising from the ashes of pop culture. This was the hope and prayer for Madonna. Unfortunately the sweet melody that she started was tainted with the worst trash of the modern era: Nicki Minaj. She single handedly destroyed all hope for Give Me All Your Luvin. Her idiocy and terrible rapping ability make for beyond unlistenable songs. She is the Blake Griffin of music.
Disgusting.
Revolting.
What is wrong with everyone? It is like the country is depressed or something. Well things were really depressed in the 1970’s. And you know what that got us? Besides me? Michael FUCKING Jackson.
Where are you Mike II? We all need some help up in this place.
Molly, really? Come on son. Adele is a good singer, a great singer even, but her songs are grindingly irritating after just a few listens. I do not want to roll in the Deep even again.
And Nicki Minaj? I have a constant internal debate over what makes me turn off 20 on 20 more, her or the evil that is Maroon 5 and the Jagger moving. I love pop music but these two taint it horribly, removing all the specialness from the music. They cheapen the experience. I have to watch a Gaga or Katy video to recover from their banality.
Since Molly did such a terrible job, I think it is only right to correct this injustice and pick the correct list. With taste this time. (Note: All songs must come for the Billboard top 100 for the year)
Remember, these are not the most popular songs, but the best songs based on musical selectivity. (Whatever that is.) I also only picked one song for each artist. This could easily have been all Katy, Gaga, Rihanna, and Britney otherwise. Also these songs need to have dropped in 2011. I used the video release date as the criteria for that as the album might have come out in 2010, but it was not promoted till 2011.
1. Party Rock Anthem. This is the easy song choice. Few songs had such crossover appeal, with even Mark Cuban getting into the act. Everyone loved this song and the people who didn’t like like are broken, not the song.
2. Last Friday Night. This might not be the best song of the year, but it is the most fun. Besides Rebecca’s solo masterpiece I had this video in constant playing during most of the summer. Everything was put together to be both funny and musically entertaining. A real triumph.
3. S&M. Perhaps Rihanna’s best work. This song is fun to play on any jukebox as you can see the real music lovers stand out when she start smelling things. She had a lot of great songs this year, but this was the best.
4. The Edge of Glory. A lot of Gaga folks would pick Born this Way as that was her bigger hit, but for me Edge lets her vocals shine better.
5. Just can’t get enough. The Black Eyed Peas make music that everyone likes when they hear it and then half the people stop once they realize who the artists are. That bias doesn’t dimish this hit though. It’s soulful rhymes are low-key for the Peas but works perfectly.
6. Pumped Up Kicks. This song everyone starts loving and singing along to. Then they start figure out the lyrics and freak out. I assume that was the intended effect.
7. Till the World Ends. All of Britney’s songs this year sound very much the same, which is to say they sound incredibly awesome, but I think this is the best one. Very tough choices here.
8. Good Life. I love OneRepublic. I have no idea what’s wrong with me. This song is awesome though.
9. The Lazy Song. Bruno’s best song of the year. Not to say anything about my incredible work ethic, but this one of my favorite sing along songs either in the office or on the road.
10. I need a Doctor. This song was a retro throwback to when Eminem was good. Skylar brings the hook. The content is depressing, but I loved listening to it.
