Category Archives: Sports

Cheaterbowl 2015

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Welcome to Cheater bowl 2015!

So everyone now knows the Patriots cheated. Tom Brady obviously was involved and oversaw the deflating of his team’s footballs. It is doubtful this was just a onetime only thing and they probably have been doing this for a while but finally got caught.

Just terrible.

However, this action pales in comparison to what is going on the other side of the ball. The Seahawks are masters of cheating. They have perfected and institutionalized it. The Seahawks cheated so badly in the Super Bowl last year they forced the league to adopt sweeping preseason pass interference rules that lead to a record setting number of preseason penalties for teams. This was all the result of the Seahawks interfering on every play last  year, daring the refs to call it. The refs blinked and the Seahawks cheated their way to a trophy.

So we are left with choosing between these two cheaters on whom to cheer for: the ones who broke off field rules to gain a small edge or the ones who abused the core tenants of the game challenging the integrity of the sport.

The choices are clear:

  1. If you want to win, you must cheat.
  2. You should cheer for the lesser of the two infractions, so:
  3. Go Patriots!!!

go patriots

The Revitalization of A Legend

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College Football got a little of its dignity back last week. Let’s look at what happened and the ramifications:

  1. The NCAA’s primary purpose is to exploit athletes to make money for big time programs and conferences. They have arcane rules used to keep players as indentured servants and then hand out wrist slaps to keep the public thinking they are holding up noble ideas why in reality they are down in the muck taking a piece of the pie.
  2. Some programs stand up to this, like Notre Dame. One man truly believed in the ideals of a student athlete and spent over 50 years creating a world where sons and grandsons would play and be allowed to get a degree. The degree might have been in something we consider trivial, like parks management, but they would have earned it and gone through the process and the work for it and would be much better people for the rest of their lives because of it.
  3. The NCAA hated this man and his principals. For decades they tried to find something wrong with his recruiting and coaching in their vast rulebook. They could finding nothing. He was clean, at least as far as regular on field on issues.
  4. Then they got their silver bullet and shot it immediately. A terrible child sex abuse scandal perpetuated by a former assistant coach who was probably dismissed for it in 1998 but with no criminal proof found in an investigation. Sandusky was seen abusing a child on campus and the Penn State administration did nothing about it. They were found guilty and fired.
  5. Joe Paterno was told and reported it to his higher ups, as is NCAA policy. He followed the letter of the law. Could he have done more? Sure. Hindsight is easy. Should he have done more? Probably. It is blight on his character and program, one those still alive still have to bear the burden of.
  6. However, the NCAA response was vindictive and irresponsible. They finally could bring down that man they had tried so hard for decades to tarnish. They exceeded their authority and knew Penn State would cave because at the time they just wanted the scandal to go away.
  7. The Paterno’s knew better. They hired an investigator to rebut the Freeh report.
  8. A state senator investigated the internal NCAA communications and knew they were overreaching their authority.
  9. A lawsuit was filed and instead of going to court, was settled, restoring the wins stripped away from a legend.
  10. The statue that was ungraciously removed is the next step to redemption.
  11. The fraud Bobby Bowden whose fans were crowing over the demise of Paterno, who knew the only way Bowden could be the most winningest coach was through using the system, crowed about how terrible Penn State was to get their way. Those people and Bowden have now been exposed and put back in their place – 2nd. Remember, if you aren’t first, you’re last.

And so now the world is a little bit brighter. Penn State can start to hold its head up again, and the Big 14 can grow from this as their legacy as a historic conference gains the winningest coach ever back. I personally can’t be fully back on board till the statue is back, but I understand how some are ready to board the band wagon. There is a good chance the statue will be back though, here’s hoping.

Plan on Supporting the US 2014 World Cup team? Then you are a MURDERER

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As you may or may not know, the World Cup of Soccer will be played this year in Brazil. (If you didn’t know, congrats – you are a patriot.) What Brazil has done in order to host these games is criminal. They have oppressed and murdered their own citizens in order to have a few balls bounce around on a field. It is disgusting and beyond reprehensible.

http://espn.go.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/10079392/generation-june

If you support the games, including supporting the US National Team, then you support the regime that did this. You are no better than they are. You might as well go to the Brazil club up on Sample next to the Port-something and open fire. There is no difference between the two. NONE.

Supporting soccer in Brazil means you are an accomplice to MURDER of the 1st degree. When you see someone supporting this endeavor, call them what they are – murderers. Cold blooded killers.

The World Cup is unlike the Olympics. When the Olympics are hosted in a totalitarian regime like China or Russia it is opportunity for freedom lovers worldwide to enter those countries and demonstrate the sweet taste of freedom and how amazing it is by having the US crush the local team in the medal count. Those are medals of freedom raining down on the cold hand of oppression.

The Soccer world cup is organized to celebrate an activity that is an anathema to freedom – Soccer. No one who loves freedom excels at Soccer, well, the USA Women’s team does because they win gold medals, but no one else. Prime athletes are out playing Football and Basketball – the sports of freedom. Is it a surprise that as the USA has gotten better at Soccer, our freedoms have diminished? There is a direct correlation between how many drones and NSA spying programs we have to the number of international victories the US has won in soccer.

You will know the USA has become the US of Amerika or the USSA when this country final wins a world cup. That will be the final breaking point where the only option will be armed revolution. Everything you hold scared will be dead and rotting at the bottom the Grand Canyon. This is just how unfreedom loving soccer is. It also gives your kids brain damage from the constant head collisions.

To Summarize:

  1. Soccer = anathema to Freedom.
  2. Brazil repressed and murdered their people to sponsor soccer games.
  3. Support for the Brazil games is support for murder.
  4. Support for the US team in the world cup is supporting Brazil.
  5. Therefore supporting the US Soccer team is supporting murder.

Do you want to be an accomplice to murder? Is that what lives in your heart? Then get behind this vile team, otherwise stand up for freedom and boycott these games!

Memories of the Before Time

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It is said that in the Before Time a great game existed.
A game played with samurai blades strapped to men’s feet.
Blades so sharp they forced the players into massive suits of armor,
Lest one cut befell a man.

They would fly over ice on mighty wings,
All battling in a massive ring of glass,
With fans chanting and screaming as if in a dome of thunder.

The game was played by men from the north,
These were toughest of the tough.
So tough they would lose teeth,
Beat each other senseless,
and then show up the next night and do it all again.

They carried massive sticks,
And shot projectiles at each other with lightning speed.
These men were predators of each other,
With only one goal in mind:
To be kings, so they could drink deeply from a giant cup.

There is told of a legend though.
Of a mighty girl who challenged the men.
“Cindy, Cindy!” the fans would chant.
She fought the men, and bested them at first.
But then the men found new champions,
And the girl was routed, reduced to a sniveling cry baby,
And lo, the world rejoiced as she was banished.

This was a world of hurricanes,
Where Senators and would rattle Sabres,
Where Rangers would fight wild coyotes and Panthers.
But what has happened to such an amazing game?
To such a world
How can it be gone?

If only we knew.
If only we knew.
Ah, the before time how we miss you.

Team USA!

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USA! USA! USA!

The Olympics start on Friday and it is once again time for the United States of America to assert its dominance. True the USA has been down a bit as world power lately, but it is not like anyone else has stepped up. China? Please, without the USA who is going to buy all their useless doohickeys? Greece?

So even with these tough economic times there are two things America dominates in: Superhero movies and sports. Every four years the summer Olympics comes around and all the other countries in the world think they have a shot. China did. Australia did. Russia does. And what happened? The USA trounced them. Destroyed them. Humbled them like kittens. These other countries have not even been close. Using the standard medal count, none of this ridiculous weighted average stuff (if you win a medal, you win a medal, it doesn’t matter first, second or third) you can see how the USA hasn’t had a competitor since 1992. That’s 20 years of shear dominance, not to mention an overwhelming 1000 medal overall lead!

Overall Medal count – All Time

USA

929

731.5

641.5

2302
USSR

440

357

325

1122
Great Britain

208.5

258.5

257.5

724.5
Germany

195.5

222

241

658.5
France

192

209

232

633
2008
USA

36

38

23

97
China

51

21

21

93
Russia

23

21

28

72
 2004
USA

36

39

27

102
Russia

27

27

38

92
China

32

17

14

63
 2000
USA

36

24

32

92
Russia

32

28

28

88
China

28

16

14

58
 1996
USA

44

32

25

101
Germany

20

18

27

65
Russia

26

21

15

62

Source:

http://www.nbcolympics.com/medals/medal-comparison.html

So we know the US is going to win, and win big. But what do you want to watch the USA win in? The obvious choice is basketball. Spain gave the US a good game yesterday, but in the end they were no match for the best players in the game. This may not be the dream team or the redeem team, but it is the best in the world and that kind of excellence cannot be missed. The USA should also dominate is women’s BB as well.

After that we have USA dominance in swimming. This is always a good way to start the Olympics. Phelps is back but the US is deep and excellent as well. When swimming peters out we get to dominate in track and field, especially on the women’s side. The world cannot even begin to compete with the depth and excellence of women of Team America (FUCK YEAH).

Then of course there is beach volleyball, a traditional favorite and a winning bet for Team USA. The US is also a favorite in  soccer (notice I say soccer, using the default gender for the sport. Men’s soccer and Men’s beach volleyball are the other sports. This is because the women’s side of the sport is immensely more popular than the men’s. And I mean in America because who cares what is popular is Paraguay?) Coincidentally both sports main competition is Brazil.

Now of course the real treat of the summer games, just like figure skating in the winter games, is gymnastics. (Once again Women’s is the default gender although men’s gymnastics is growing in popularity.) And the USA is loaded here as well with perhaps the best team they ever fielded, even better than the 1996 team.

Lead by 2011 World champion Jordyn Wieber the USA will face stiff completion from traditional rivals in China and Russia. Can they prevail? Is this America we are talking about? Of course they can!

There are other sports like shooting, handball, that rowing stuff, etc., that can be fun to watch but the above sports are what you want to set your DVRs for and are the can’t miss prospects for a summer of partisan rooting for the good guys. Get set to enjoy it!

Who ya gonna cheer for?

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We have one of the worst most unexciting Super Bowls coming up. Something I think most of us will barely be able to watch. This will not be a repeat of the feel good story of 2008 that captures a national audience. This is a regional bowl where only the fans of these cities will be able to muster the energy to care. This is like the Nazis versus Communists. You just wish both could lose and lose big.

So what to do? This is the Super Bowl after all. Normally the plan is to cheer for the underdog or the winner of the NFC. However that is Giants. Calling a team like that from New York underdogs is like saying the Titanic was a nice little boat. Cheering for them is just icky. With that plan right out what is Plan B?

Plan B starts with drinking. Lots of it. The game may suck but the party doesn’t have to. Just stay away from the game. Focus on the national anthem. Pay attention to the halftime show.

Guess what? That is not going to work. You are a sports fan. You will not be able to help taking a side. It is what you do. Since you will not be able to help yourself you might as well prepare so you can go into the game with a fan plan. Otherwise you might get caught up in the moment and end up cheering for a team you will later regret ever backing.

Let’s break this down scientifically so we can pick the right team.

       I.          Which city do you hate less?

This is a tough question as both cities are pretty terrible. However for me I have to go with Boston. We are only rivals in basketball. With NY I have strong rivalries in all sports. The cumulative hate is just greater even if none of the NY rivalries match the individual hate for the Celtics. Boston is also a better city in the “city” sense. They have a slightly higher historical class and you can respect the Garden or the Green Monster. MSG is the home of basketball but come on son, all NY football is played in NJ. In a swamp. Massive points lost here. Remember we are basically comparing Axe murderers to shooting spree murderers so it is very hard to say anything good about anything here.

     II.          Hall of Fame considerations / Legacy

This is the real determining factor to me. Let’s look at the two outcomes:

Patriots Win:

Is anyone getting into the Hall of Fame now who wasn’t before? Another Super Bowl win doesn’t add anything to Brady’s or Belichick’s resume. They were already in. Stopping a perfect season in 2008 would have given them a huge legacy boost. None of that is in play here. This will just be +1 and most likely will be forgotten pretty soon.

Giants Win:

Here is where it gets sticky. Eli Manning will go from a fluke winner who got on a hot streak and pulled a game out at the end that he had no business winning to being a respected quarterback. A two time Super Bowl winning quarterback. Who beat HOF quarterback Brady. TWICE! All of a sudden the air gets thin very quickly.

People start saying he is a winner in a way his HOF brother was not. He is clutch. He has to start being mentioned with Elway, Simms, Young, and Bradshaw. Suddenly what he did in 2008 was no longer lucky but a foreshadow. Gulp. If he were to win one more, I don’t know if you could keep him out of the HOF.

When you realize this suddenly you will get scared. I know I did. My decision became clear. The Giants scenario cannot be allowed to happen. We cannot allow an Eli Manning “legacy” to come into existence. He must stay with the Mark Rippens and Trent Dilfers of the world. The alternatives are too terrifying to allow to fester and gestate.

Prediction:

Patriots 42 – 14. Why? Because that is what I want to happen.

Picking your team – You probally don’t have a choice anymore

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Bill Simmons has pretty much laid out the rules for who you are meant to cheer for and how you change it.

The relevant parts are that whatever team was your team in your formative years is your team for life. You can’t change it except for certain conditions.

This is 100% true and you should rag on anyone who changes their team. For instance if your buddy who is a lifetime Lions fans shows up in Vegas wearing a Seahawks hat he deserves to get shit about that for the rest of his life. Even if he wised up and jumped back to the Lions, the damage was done. You can’t uncheat.You can like other teams, but you can’t wear their colors.

I grew up in Philly so that locks me into the Eagles, Phillies, Sixers and Flyers for life. Philly is a great place to be from and these teams have been the finals in all of their sports during my adult life so I am pretty happy with my allotment in life.

But last summer and in 2006 it was tough. The Heat showed and are showing what real NBA basketball is like. I haven’t had that since 2002 with the Sixers. So I like the Heat. I cheer for them. I even go to Heat games. But I am Sixer fan first and always will be.I cheered for the Sixers in the first round last year and would do so again.

However I will call the Heat my second team. I will sort of cheer for them, especially when it has no impact on the Sixers. (Incidentally this makes me a much better Heat fan than most “Heat fans” I have met.)

And this brings me to my main point. It is OK to have a second team as long it doesn’t conflict with your main team. However there are rules:

  1. You can’t cheer for them if it affects your main team. You must follow your main team more than your second team. Care about their drafting, etc. The second team is just for fun.
  2. The team you pick matters. For pros, it must be from the city you are living in or be in the other conference. For college it must be a school someone from your family went to or has some other personal tie to.
  3. You can’t get into them like your main team. No wearing shirts or jerseys for them. Except maybe, and I mean maybe, in the playoffs. There is a little gray area here. It might only be for the local city you are second teaming.
  4. For college you must cheer for the school you did your undergrad at first. Your second team can be the school you did post grad work at. These cannot be flipped. You made your life decision at 18 or 19 and you are stuck with it. (Go Jackets!)
  5. You can change it. If you move to a new city you don’t have to be stuck with the team from that old city. That is just silly. You also don’t have to stick with some loser team in another conference. Remember the second team is just for fun.

A second team is not cheating unless you take it too far. It is like going to a strip club. That is not cheating on your wife, but it is a good time. However, blowing $1000 in the champagne room might perhaps get you in trouble with the misses. The above rules outline how not to get into trouble.

That all said my second teams are the:

  1. The Heat. Yes, that is weak. I know, but come on, you know you would do it to. If a supermodel moves in next door, you are not going to water the lawn a bit longer? Come on son. It used to be Golden State. That was because I used to love playing as Chris Webber in NBA Jam. (Yes, the reasons for picking your second team don’t have to be logical.)
  2. The Chargers. I think because I liked the lighting bolts on the uniforms as a kid and didn’t like the Raiders and they were always the 4:00 PM game so I saw them play more.
  3. The Sharks. I liked when they were an underdog and beat the Red Wings. I hate Detroit because their fans are so annoying. Hockeytown my ass.
  4. Penn State. Ugh. Thanks family and friends for sticking me with this albatross. At least I didn’t go there. It was so great and now… Did I mention Go Jackets?