So I finished watching True Blood Season 1. What did I learn? That everything is about blood(drugs) and sex. It’s either having sex with a vampire and them biting you or drinking vampire blood / tripping and having sex. While this can be entertaining and works just fine as the central plot to a B horror movie, can it stand up as the major plot for a whole TV series?
It sure as hell can if you keep casting women like Ana Paquin in lead roles. Anyway, this got me thinking: What other types of blood would be worth harvesting for super powers?
Zombies? No way. You’d turn into a zombie silly!
Ninja’s? No. They are just highly skilled humans.
Pirates or Robots? Maybe robot blood if it would not kill you. Like Voltron blood.
Spider Man blood? A good bet. It’s radioactive and a spider bite made Peter have super powers.
Superman? How you gonna get it? You can’t pierce his skin.
X Men types? There has to be a better way to get a mutant gene.
Alien from Alien? Possibly. It’s acid, but there might be a way to take it to give you alien powers. Wasn’t this Alien 3 or 4?
Smurf? Now that is just silly. Maybe Fraggles. No to Pound Puppies, but yes to Care Bears. The stare power is freakin awesome.
Definitely unicorn blood. That has all kinds of crazy goodness up in there. I think it lets you make rainbows and stuff.
What’s the best? Perhaps a vampire unicorn that has been bit by a radioactive spider. That’s what I am placing my bet on.
I suspect many of you are sick to death of Twilight. I predicted this debacle in a Brier post:
Originally Posted on November 19, 2008
What to say about this film? First, it is always good to see Vampires getting mainstream acceptance, except when it goes horribly, horribly wrong. For instance, the anticipation and then eventual enjoyment of Interview was great. I then started to read the books. The first made the movie even better filling in several holes. The next book, The Vampire Lestat, told the story of a depraved creature with some serious mommy issues. Another winner. Then… It got weird yo. Way weird. In ways I will not, cannot, return to. Ann Rice – You are my list. Not cool.
We now turn our attention to Twilight. This series is the next Harry Potter novels, selling something like 30 million copies worldwide. However, the fans are all girls. Is this Vampire In the City, or DeGrassi Vampire High, or even Vampire School Musical? I say it is more:
Robert Pattinson walked the red carpet last night for the world premiere of Twilight where he was reportedly deafened by 50 bajillion screaming teens who thought it’d be cool to scratch their necks all up to simulate a vampire bite. Ha ha. That’s our future, folks. I’m drowning myself in the tub. Us Magazine reports:
“They all just scream at me and now it just kind of feel like my job,” said Pattinson, who joked with MTV News that he’d gone “completely deaf” at the premiere. Just the other day, Pattinson realized, “there were some girls who had scratched … the side of their necks so [they were] freshly bleeding when they came up to get a signature. “They were like, ‘We did this for you.’ I didn’t know what to say. ‘Um, thanks guys?'”
These kinds of reactions are more chilling and terrifying than anything a vampire could do. And so… I fear this movie, even being the best mainstream bet in vampire tales in the last decade, will not do justice to the genre or meet any of my many standards for attendance. Is it just Gossip Girl with teeth? Now don’t get me wrong – I love the teen fare. 90210, Mean Girls, even Smallville are all my bread and butter. CW for life, yo.
However, I think we aren’t getting the good teen fare here. I think we are getting The Vampire Girls and until informed otherwise I will not be plopping down my cash to witness the debacle. It is a bit of a shame to waste such a great chance to mainstream a great genre. What we need instead is a new Buffy movie. It’s still the greatest TV show of all time, and does the genre credit. I would be much happier if the this new generation of girls was being raised in the Buffy model instead of this Twilight model where they all want to go crazy and turn into Goth chicks who want to get themselves bit all the time.
Congrats boys of the next generation, you can thank Stephenie Meyer for all those messed up nights you will have to endure dealing with your Girlfriend’s future Twilight fallout and impending psychosis.
Have you noticed how the phrase “Little Bit” has crept all throughout the vernacular of athletes? For instance, a team loses 36 -3, and they asked a losing player what went wrong – his answer: “Well, we just didn’t tackle very well, a little bit.” Or a pitcher gives up a grand slam: “I just missed inside a little bit. We have to get after it a little bit more. The hustle was there but we need a little bit more.”
Little bit? This phrase needs to stop being used in situations where it grossly does not apply. Little bit should be mentioned when talking about pouring sugar into coffee, not on the playing field. Consider yourself enlightened and now when you see, read, or hear an athlete abusing this term you can think of me and give a little “grr”.
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I’m on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
– Killers Human
I have been battling with these lyrics for about a week now. Dancer? Isn’t there an ‘s’ missing? The strict grammartarian in me was cringing. What are these guys thinking? I ended up seeking out PDE advice, and what I found blew my mind. You see, we can’t think of human as a noun, but as an archetype, and so is Dancer. Are we human or are we dancer is like saying are we American or are we Russian. Do we belong to just the base human, or are we dancer, transcending to a new form. Dancer is not a subset of human, no, not at all. However, there Venn diagrams do interact and go beyond. Dancer is what we should be, not what we are. So cut cord, be Dancer.
Now, amidst the euphoria and glory of the recent Phillies championship, other great events in sports have been happening. I speak of College football, a topic long debated among members of Brier Nation. So far we have an excellent season shaping up.
Consider:
GaTech beat FSU for the first time in Bowden era
PSU won in OSU for the first time in 30 years
Michigan lost to Toledo.
Michigan blew the second longest winning season streak in history. #1 you ask? PSU of course. Better luck in 2059.
PSU beat Michigan for the first is like forever.
First losing season in like forever for Michigan.
First none bowl appearance for Michigan is 34 years.
Michigan lost to… well I think you get the picture. A good strength and conditioning coach does not make up for no talent. Who knew?
As all members can agree, these are all excellent events. I am still trepidatious about the over rated Big 12 stealing another chance for JoePa to play for a title, so I won’t linger to long there, but instead will focus the truly unexpected: Ga Tech.
How can they be winning (In first place of the Coastal division) when:
They have the ugliest uniforms in football. What happened? We used to have great classy uniforms. Where have you gone Rudy? Now.. yuck.
They are running the wishbone. Call it the triple whatever, I will go with BobbyB – It’s the bone.
These things make me sad for my great and mighty alma mater, and go against everything I believe about football, (yes I believe good looking uniforms are a pre req for winning and you need throw the ball.) but the wins? They somehow mask this. I guess I feel like a feminist did when Bill stained Monica’s dress.
Just win baby.
Note: Amazing how a BCS game and years of consistent winning can change your views on Paul Johnson. I am still not convinced this offense is versatile enough to win a national championship, but it fun to watch. (We also fixed the uniforms.)
Long answer: Enjoy these few days California, you are off the hook, for now. Stop smiling New Jersey.
Yes, Iowa is currently the worst state in the union. It is full of selfish braggerts with massive ego mania complexes. They also don’t care about poor people and enable America’s enemies.
That is a very harsh critism, but lets lets look at the facts. First off, why do they constantly move their caucus date up? Why must they be first? When more representive states try to make the election process more in line with the vast majority of the electorate, Iowa throws a hissy fit. And then the parties cave in and cut the delegates!
We end up with this redicilous situation where someone like Rick Santorum or Ron Paul could win this state and become a legitimate candidate for the Republican nomination. Come on son. 120,000 people will causus in Iowa on Tuesday to pick a winner.How do they have so much power? They will be 90% white versus 60% in the general case. They also 60% Evangelical Christians. I hate California as much as the next guy, but if that state was first we would have a much more balanced candidate who represents the majority of Americans.
The media is feeding this system by 24/7 coverage and the candidates do everything to back fill the system. They all pander to these people. A straw poll getting headlines when you buy the votes? Come on son.
When candidates like Rudy Giuliani or Jon Huntsman try to stand up to this disgusting behavior they get blackballed.New Hampshire is barely any better but at least it is a bit more representive. Iowa also has a terrible track record for the nominated candidate, performing no better than a coin toss. They chose Pat Robertson. PAT ROBERSON! Huckabee was a nice guy, but he was not fit be president.
Now lets look at some of the damage. This ethanol fiasco has created unnatural demand dramicatilly hurting food prices, especially in corn heavy eating places like mexico. This servered as a very repressive tax. Part of the Arab spring was a direct result high food prices.
You have blood on your hands Iowans. Who in their right minds can advoicate a policy of burning food? FOOD. (Especially if you did even a tiny bit of reseach you would find there are much better ways to make ethonal.)
It is disgusting and direct result of pandering to the state of Iowa because they are first in the presidential election cycle. You are really feeding the enemies of America.
There is a simple way to fix all this mess which I will post as another blog, but basically you have four primary days with a random distribution of 25 states every 2 or 3 weeks. This would be inclusive and will not result is such pandering. More mainline candidates would prosper that will result in better presidents. Isn’t that what we all want?
So make a pledge. Don’t vote for the winner in Iowa, especially if it is a Paul, Santorum or Bachmann. Keep showing up Iowa for the selfish, death enablers that they are. Their behavior is disgusting and for a state that claims to be full of Christians they exhibit the most anti-Christian behavior.
Molly, really? Come on son. Adele is a good singer, a great singer even, but her songs are grindingly irritating after just a few listens. I do not want to roll in the Deep even again.
And Nicki Minaj? I have a constant internal debate over what makes me turn off 20 on 20 more, her or the evil that is Maroon 5 and the Jagger moving. I love pop music but these two taint it horribly, removing all the specialness from the music. They cheapen the experience. I have to watch a Gaga or Katy video to recover from their banality.
Since Molly did such a terrible job, I think it is only right to correct this injustice and pick the correct list. With taste this time. (Note: All songs must come for the Billboard top 100 for the year)
Remember, these are not the most popular songs, but the best songs based on musical selectivity. (Whatever that is.) I also only picked one song for each artist. This could easily have been all Katy, Gaga, Rihanna, and Britney otherwise. Also these songs need to have dropped in 2011. I used the video release date as the criteria for that as the album might have come out in 2010, but it was not promoted till 2011.
1. Party Rock Anthem. This is the easy song choice. Few songs had such crossover appeal, with even Mark Cuban getting into the act. Everyone loved this song and the people who didn’t like like are broken, not the song.
2. Last Friday Night. This might not be the best song of the year, but it is the most fun. Besides Rebecca’s solo masterpiece I had this video in constant playing during most of the summer. Everything was put together to be both funny and musically entertaining. A real triumph.
3. S&M. Perhaps Rihanna’s best work. This song is fun to play on any jukebox as you can see the real music lovers stand out when she start smelling things. She had a lot of great songs this year, but this was the best.
4. The Edge of Glory. A lot of Gaga folks would pick Born this Way as that was her bigger hit, but for me Edge lets her vocals shine better.
5. Just can’t get enough. The Black Eyed Peas make music that everyone likes when they hear it and then half the people stop once they realize who the artists are. That bias doesn’t dimish this hit though. It’s soulful rhymes are low-key for the Peas but works perfectly.
6. Pumped Up Kicks. This song everyone starts loving and singing along to. Then they start figure out the lyrics and freak out. I assume that was the intended effect.
7. Till the World Ends. All of Britney’s songs this year sound very much the same, which is to say they sound incredibly awesome, but I think this is the best one. Very tough choices here.
8. Good Life. I love OneRepublic. I have no idea what’s wrong with me. This song is awesome though.
9. The Lazy Song. Bruno’s best song of the year. Not to say anything about my incredible work ethic, but this one of my favorite sing along songs either in the office or on the road.
10. I need a Doctor. This song was a retro throwback to when Eminem was good. Skylar brings the hook. The content is depressing, but I loved listening to it.
Bill Simmons has pretty much laid out the rules for who you are meant to cheer for and how you change it.
The relevant parts are that whatever team was your team in your formative years is your team for life. You can’t change it except for certain conditions.
This is 100% true and you should rag on anyone who changes their team. For instance if your buddy who is a lifetime Lions fans shows up in Vegas wearing a Seahawks hat he deserves to get shit about that for the rest of his life. Even if he wised up and jumped back to the Lions, the damage was done. You can’t uncheat.You can like other teams, but you can’t wear their colors.
I grew up in Philly so that locks me into the Eagles, Phillies, Sixers and Flyers for life. Philly is a great place to be from and these teams have been the finals in all of their sports during my adult life so I am pretty happy with my allotment in life.
But last summer and in 2006 it was tough. The Heat showed and are showing what real NBA basketball is like. I haven’t had that since 2002 with the Sixers. So I like the Heat. I cheer for them. I even go to Heat games. But I am Sixer fan first and always will be.I cheered for the Sixers in the first round last year and would do so again.
However I will call the Heat my second team. I will sort of cheer for them, especially when it has no impact on the Sixers. (Incidentally this makes me a much better Heat fan than most “Heat fans” I have met.)
And this brings me to my main point. It is OK to have a second team as long it doesn’t conflict with your main team. However there are rules:
You can’t cheer for them if it affects your main team. You must follow your main team more than your second team. Care about their drafting, etc. The second team is just for fun.
The team you pick matters. For pros, it must be from the city you are living in or be in the other conference. For college it must be a school someone from your family went to or has some other personal tie to.
You can’t get into them like your main team. No wearing shirts or jerseys for them. Except maybe, and I mean maybe, in the playoffs. There is a little gray area here. It might only be for the local city you are second teaming.
For college you must cheer for the school you did your undergrad at first. Your second team can be the school you did post grad work at. These cannot be flipped. You made your life decision at 18 or 19 and you are stuck with it. (Go Jackets!)
You can change it. If you move to a new city you don’t have to be stuck with the team from that old city. That is just silly. You also don’t have to stick with some loser team in another conference. Remember the second team is just for fun.
A second team is not cheating unless you take it too far. It is like going to a strip club. That is not cheating on your wife, but it is a good time. However, blowing $1000 in the champagne room might perhaps get you in trouble with the misses. The above rules outline how not to get into trouble.
That all said my second teams are the:
The Heat. Yes, that is weak. I know, but come on, you know you would do it to. If a supermodel moves in next door, you are not going to water the lawn a bit longer? Come on son. It used to be Golden State. That was because I used to love playing as Chris Webber in NBA Jam. (Yes, the reasons for picking your second team don’t have to be logical.)
The Chargers. I think because I liked the lighting bolts on the uniforms as a kid and didn’t like the Raiders and they were always the 4:00 PM game so I saw them play more.
The Sharks. I liked when they were an underdog and beat the Red Wings. I hate Detroit because their fans are so annoying. Hockeytown my ass.
Penn State. Ugh. Thanks family and friends for sticking me with this albatross. At least I didn’t go there. It was so great and now… Did I mention Go Jackets?
