USA! USA! USA!

The Olympics start on Friday and it is once again time for the United States of America to assert its dominance. True the USA has been down a bit as world power lately, but it is not like anyone else has stepped up. China? Please, without the USA who is going to buy all their useless doohickeys? Greece?

So even with these tough economic times there are two things America dominates in: Superhero movies and sports. Every four years the summer Olympics comes around and all the other countries in the world think they have a shot. China did. Australia did. Russia does. And what happened? The USA trounced them. Destroyed them. Humbled them like kittens. These other countries have not even been close. Using the standard medal count, none of this ridiculous weighted average stuff (if you win a medal, you win a medal, it doesn’t matter first, second or third) you can see how the USA hasn’t had a competitor since 1992. That’s 20 years of shear dominance, not to mention an overwhelming 1000 medal overall lead!

Overall Medal count – All Time

Source:

http://www.nbcolympics.com/medals/medal-comparison.html

So we know the US is going to win, and win big. But what do you want to watch the USA win in? The obvious choice is basketball. Spain gave the US a good game yesterday, but in the end they were no match for the best players in the game. This may not be the dream team or the redeem team, but it is the best in the world and that kind of excellence cannot be missed. The USA should also dominate is women’s BB as well.

After that we have USA dominance in swimming. This is always a good way to start the Olympics. Phelps is back but the US is deep and excellent as well. When swimming peters out we get to dominate in track and field, especially on the women’s side. The world cannot even begin to compete with the depth and excellence of women of Team America (FUCK YEAH).

Then of course there is beach volleyball, a traditional favorite and a winning bet for Team USA. The US is also a favorite in  soccer (notice I say soccer, using the default gender for the sport. Men’s soccer and Men’s beach volleyball are the other sports. This is because the women’s side of the sport is immensely more popular than the men’s. And I mean in America because who cares what is popular is Paraguay?) Coincidentally both sports main competition is Brazil.

Now of course the real treat of the summer games, just like figure skating in the winter games, is gymnastics. (Once again Women’s is the default gender although men’s gymnastics is growing in popularity.) And the USA is loaded here as well with perhaps the best team they ever fielded, even better than the 1996 team.

Lead by 2011 World champion Jordyn Wieber the USA will face stiff completion from traditional rivals in China and Russia. Can they prevail? Is this America we are talking about? Of course they can!

There are other sports like shooting, handball, that rowing stuff, etc., that can be fun to watch but the above sports are what you want to set your DVRs for and are the can’t miss prospects for a summer of partisan rooting for the good guys. Get set to enjoy it!