Poor Little Cougars

Outrageous.

 

Despicable.

 

Disastrous.

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/bizarre&id=8515384

Utah – You are on the list. What kind of message are you sending by denying the lovable cougar mascothood? Does this imply that existing cougar schools are somehow full of 40+ women preying on the student population? What’s next? Will the Orangemen have to change their name because of the association with John Boehner? And don’t get me started on the University of South Carolina. Or the College of Charleston. Or even the College of Computing. Should students be discouraged from attending these fine institutions? (Well, maybe the University of South Carolina.)

What message is being sent to these kids? Last time I checked BYU was the home of the Cougars. Does this mean this high school should break off ties with the most famous and popular school in the state of Utah? Of course not. What does this say about Jimmer Fredette? Did he go to BYU just for the hunting? Poor Jimmer, tainted for life.

Let’s get these school administrator’s minds out of the gutter and restore the proud status and reputation of the mighty cougar.

Radioactive Vampire Unicorn Blood

Originally Posted January 14, 2009

 

So I finished watching True Blood Season 1. What did I learn? That everything is about blood(drugs) and sex. It’s either having sex with a vampire and them biting you or drinking vampire blood / tripping and having sex. While this can be entertaining and works just fine as the central plot to a B horror movie, can it stand up as the major plot for a whole TV series?

It sure as hell can if you keep casting women like Ana Paquin in lead roles. Anyway, this got me thinking: What other types of blood would be worth harvesting for super powers?

Zombies? No way. You’d turn into a zombie silly!

Ninja’s? No. They are just highly skilled humans.

Pirates or Robots? Maybe robot blood if it would not kill you. Like Voltron blood.

Spider Man blood? A good bet. It’s radioactive and a spider bite made Peter have super powers.

Superman? How you gonna get it? You can’t pierce his skin.

X Men types? There has to be a better way to get a mutant gene.

Alien from Alien? Possibly. It’s acid, but there might be a way to take it to give you alien powers. Wasn’t this Alien 3 or 4?

Smurf? Now that is just silly. Maybe Fraggles. No to Pound Puppies, but yes to Care Bears. The stare power is freakin awesome.

Definitely unicorn blood. That has all kinds of crazy goodness up in there. I think it lets you make rainbows and stuff.

What’s the best? Perhaps a vampire unicorn that has been bit by a radioactive spider. That’s what I am placing my bet on.

Twilight

I suspect many of you are sick to death of Twilight. I predicted this debacle in a Brier post:

Originally Posted on November 19, 2008

 

What to say about this film? First, it is always good to see Vampires getting mainstream acceptance, except when it goes horribly, horribly wrong. For instance, the anticipation and then eventual enjoyment of Interview was great. I then started to read the books. The first made the movie even better filling in several holes. The next book, The Vampire Lestat, told the story of a depraved creature with some serious mommy issues. Another winner. Then… It got weird yo. Way weird. In ways I will not, cannot, return to. Ann Rice – You are my list. Not cool.

We now turn our attention to Twilight. This series is the next Harry Potter novels, selling something like 30 million copies worldwide. However, the fans are all girls. Is this Vampire In the City, or DeGrassi Vampire High, or even Vampire School Musical? I say it is more:

Robert Pattinson walked the red carpet last night for the world premiere of Twilight where he was reportedly deafened by 50 bajillion screaming teens who thought it’d be cool to scratch their necks all up to simulate a vampire bite. Ha ha. That’s our future, folks. I’m drowning myself in the tub. Us Magazine reports:

“They all just scream at me and now it just kind of feel like my job,” said Pattinson, who joked with MTV News that he’d gone “completely deaf” at the premiere.
Just the other day, Pattinson realized, “there were some girls who had scratched … the side of their necks so [they were] freshly bleeding when they came up to get a signature.
“They were like, ‘We did this for you.’ I didn’t know what to say. ‘Um, thanks guys?'”

http://thesuperficial.com/2008/11/robert_pattinson_attends_the_p.php

These kinds of reactions are more chilling and terrifying than anything a vampire could do. And so… I fear this movie, even being the best mainstream bet in vampire tales in the last decade, will not do justice to the genre or meet any of my many standards for attendance. Is it just Gossip Girl with teeth? Now don’t get me wrong – I love the teen fare. 90210, Mean Girls, even Smallville are all my bread and butter. CW for life, yo.

However, I think we aren’t getting the good teen fare here. I think we are getting The Vampire Girls and until informed otherwise I will not be plopping down my cash to witness the debacle. It is a bit of a shame to waste such a great chance to mainstream a great genre. What we need instead is a new Buffy movie. It’s still the greatest TV show of all time, and does the genre credit. I would be much happier if the this new generation of girls was being raised in the Buffy model instead of this Twilight model where they all want to go crazy and turn into Goth chicks who want to get themselves bit all the time.

Congrats boys of the next generation, you can thank Stephenie Meyer for all those messed up nights you will have to endure dealing with your Girlfriend’s future Twilight fallout and impending psychosis.

Little Bit

Originally Published 11/12/2008

Have you noticed how the phrase “Little Bit” has crept all throughout the vernacular of athletes? For instance, a team loses 36 -3, and they asked a losing player what went wrong – his answer: “Well, we just didn’t tackle very well, a little bit.” Or a pitcher gives up a grand slam: “I just missed inside a little bit. We have to get after it a little bit more. The hustle was there but we need a little bit more.”

Little bit? This phrase needs to stop being used in situations where it grossly does not apply. Little bit should be mentioned when talking about pouring sugar into coffee, not on the playing field. Consider yourself enlightened and now when you see, read, or hear an athlete abusing this term you can think of me and give a little “grr”.

Meet and Greet with Joe the Plumber

 

(Originally Published on 11/5/2008)

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I’m on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

–  Killers Human

I have been battling with these lyrics for about a week now. Dancer? Isn’t there an ‘s’ missing? The strict grammartarian in me was cringing. What are these guys thinking? I ended up seeking out PDE advice, and what I found blew my mind. You see, we can’t think of human as a noun, but as an archetype, and so is Dancer. Are we human or are we dancer is like saying are we American or are we Russian. Do we belong to just the base human, or are we dancer, transcending to a new form. Dancer is not a subset of human, no, not at all. However, there Venn diagrams do interact and go beyond. Dancer is what we should be, not what we are. So cut cord, be Dancer.

Now, amidst the euphoria and glory of the recent Phillies championship, other great events in sports have been happening. I speak of College football, a topic long debated among members of Brier Nation. So far we have an excellent season shaping up.

Consider:

  1. GaTech beat FSU for the first time in Bowden era
  2. PSU won in OSU for the first time in 30 years
  3. Michigan lost to Toledo.
  4. Michigan blew the second longest winning season streak in history. #1 you ask? PSU of course. Better luck in 2059.
  5. PSU beat Michigan for the first is like forever.
  6. First losing season in like forever for Michigan.
  7. First none bowl appearance for Michigan is 34 years.
  8. Michigan lost to… well I think you get the picture. A good strength and conditioning coach does not make up for no talent. Who knew?

As all members can agree, these are all excellent events. I am still trepidatious about the over rated Big 12 stealing another chance for JoePa to play for a title, so I won’t linger to long there, but instead will focus the truly unexpected: Ga Tech.

How can they be winning (In first place of the Coastal division) when:

  1. They have the ugliest uniforms in football. What happened? We used to have great classy uniforms. Where have you gone Rudy? Now.. yuck.
  2. They are running the wishbone. Call it the triple whatever, I will go with BobbyB – It’s the bone.

These things make me sad for my great and mighty alma mater, and go against everything I believe about football, (yes I believe good looking uniforms are a pre req for winning and you need throw the ball.) but the wins? They somehow mask this. I guess I feel like a feminist did when Bill stained Monica’s dress.

Just win baby.

Note: Amazing how a BCS game and years of consistent winning can change your views on Paul Johnson. I am still not convinced this offense is versatile enough to win a national championship, but it fun to watch. (We also fixed the uniforms.)

 

Iowa: Worst state in the Union?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Enjoy these few days California, you are off the hook, for now. Stop smiling New Jersey.

Yes, Iowa is currently the worst state in the union. It is full of selfish braggerts with massive ego mania complexes. They also don’t care about poor people and enable America’s enemies.

That is a very harsh critism, but lets lets look at the facts. First off, why do they constantly move their caucus date up? Why must they be first? When more representive states try to make the election process more in line with the vast majority of the electorate, Iowa throws a hissy fit. And then the parties cave in and cut the delegates!

We end up with this redicilous situation where someone like Rick Santorum or Ron Paul could win this state and become a legitimate candidate for the Republican nomination. Come on son. 120,000 people will causus in Iowa on Tuesday to pick a winner.How do they have so much power? They will be 90% white versus 60% in the general case. They also 60% Evangelical Christians. I hate California as much as the next guy, but if that state was first we would have a much more balanced candidate who represents the majority of Americans.

The media is feeding this system by 24/7 coverage and the candidates do everything to back fill the system. They all pander to these people. A straw poll getting headlines when you buy the votes? Come on son.

When candidates like Rudy Giuliani or Jon Huntsman try to stand up to this disgusting behavior they get blackballed.New Hampshire is barely any better but at least it is a bit more representive. Iowa also has a terrible track record for the nominated candidate, performing no better than a coin toss. They chose Pat Robertson. PAT ROBERSON! Huckabee was a nice guy, but he was not fit be president.

Now lets look at some of the damage. This ethanol fiasco has created unnatural demand dramicatilly hurting food prices, especially in corn heavy eating places like mexico. This servered as a very repressive tax. Part of the Arab spring was a direct result high food prices.

You have blood on your hands Iowans. Who in their right minds can advoicate a policy of burning food? FOOD. (Especially if you did even a tiny bit of reseach you would find there are much better ways to make ethonal.)

It is disgusting and direct result of pandering to the state of Iowa because they are first in the presidential election cycle. You are really feeding the enemies of America.

There is a simple way to fix all this mess which I will post as another blog, but basically you have four primary days with a random distribution of 25 states every 2 or 3 weeks. This would be inclusive and will not result is such pandering. More mainline candidates would prosper that will result in better presidents. Isn’t that what we all want?

So make a pledge. Don’t vote for the winner in Iowa, especially if it is a Paul, Santorum or Bachmann. Keep showing up Iowa for the selfish, death enablers that they are. Their behavior is disgusting and for a state that claims to be full of Christians they exhibit the most anti-Christian behavior.